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Friday, March 2nd, 2007
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9:41 pm - nothing
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haven't been here for ages. I like to write but there's never enough time. PLenty to write about too, but not sure it's fit for public consumption...anyway hello to all out there, once again I'm giving you nothing in more words than it should take.
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| Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
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5:05 pm - Happy Happy Joy Joy
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So I was going to write a happy story to balance out the sad stuff. Truth is, I still have plenty of down moments, but things are getting a little better each week and I'm actually pretty comfortable with where I'm at. I actually don't mind being sad...the stress and confusion, the anger and bitterness I don't miss, but the melancholy is okay...sort of like a friend. I also realise at these times that there are a lot of sad people around the world, and plenty with more valid reasons than I. Doesn't stop me being sad, but it adds a little perspective to my view of the situation.
I have actually been pretty good though. It feels a bit like a new beginning - yes I know it feels like that because it IS one...but it's one of those things where you can either spend your time regretting the past or looking forward to the possibilities in the future. And I'm optimistic, if not confident of my possibilities. It's got me thinking about writing and music again, which is pretty exciting.
You know what else? No, me either. It's something though, I'm sure of it. Nothing tends to be pretty noticeable when it happens along...oh...I reinvented my hair. I'm going a bit shoegazer britpop with it...going to black it again soon because I like black. And then it'll be too long and I'll probably have to ponytail it, or maybe wear a clown wig, I'm not sure which.
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| Saturday, November 5th, 2005
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11:50 am - clogwearer
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So I was asked about the origins of the name clogwearer. And I decided I'd make the information public. Not that there's any great secret about it, the whole thing is actually quite trivial. But I remember how it happened, so I'm inflicting it on the rest of the world as well. So bear with me please, I'll try to keep this as short and concise as possible. Which means it'll probably only stretch out over a mile or so.
Actually, I've decided to do a short version and a long version - the short one for people to actually read and the long one just for my own amusement.
SHORT VERSION:
A long time ago on a Lord of The Rings fan forum I was fooling around with my username and I came up with the name Loke Clogwearer. I've no idea how the clogwearer name came into my head, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I liked it so much that I carried it over to places like this one. If you want to know where the name Loke came from, there's a bit below somewhere that explains it.
LONG VERSION:
In 2003 I was researching stuff about J.R.R. Tolkien, the guy who wrote The Lord Of The Rings. I had been reading a book about him by a guy called David Day, and I kept noticing things that were inconsistent with what I thought about Tolkien's books. So, in my arrogance, I decided that I could write a better book than this David Day guy (I've since realised that even if I could, there are a lot of people out there who could write a much better book about Tolkien than I ever could, which put me back in my place a bit). And that's when I discovered the internet. Yeah, that's right, I didn't get online until 2003. Speedy Gonzalez, at your service. So when I did get online I started googling everything Tolkien and started looking at the sites. That's how I found the Plaza. What a bizarre thing, a virtual Middle Earth on the internet. For anyone who's not seen it, the Lord Of THe Rings Fanatics Plaza is a fan forum for people who are interested in anything Lord of the Rings. So I joined up, curious to find out what other kinds of people were interested in the books I loved so much.
When you join the Plaza, like any forum, you choose a username and password, and you fill out a profile. And then, once you've found your way around a bit, you're given the opportunity to join what they call a kingdom. These are all subforums that try to roleplay different parts of Middle Earth. I'm a big fan of magic and mystery, so I decided to be one of the Istari (wizards - Everybody wants to be Gandalf, right?) And when you join your kingdom, you start at rank 1 and you work your way up. These ranks are named after characters or character groups.
So when you post a message in one of the forums, you're identified by your username, the kingdom you come from and the rank you are in the kingdom. So at far left there's a little icon identifying your kingdom, then a title bar with your name and rank. One day someone was fooling around and began copying the headers into the post box and modifying them to make them look higher rank, or different kingdom etc. So I did the same thing with mine, and made it very silly. So my title bar read something like this:
Loke Clogwearer (Dutch Scientist)...just because I thought it was funny, for no other reason. Other people were changing to other things that already existed on the plaza, so I went with something that nobdy had done before, which is what I aim for most of the time. Loke is because when I started on the Plaza I used a name taken from the random name generator at www.barrowdowns.com, another Tolkien fan forum. The name was Nuhrloke, which had been shortened to Loke, in preference to Nuhr, which someone tried to call me. The Clogwearer seemed a good idea at the time, as it fitted with my idea of being a Dutch Scientist. I can't really explain exactly how, it just came into my head. Ideas do that to me sometimes. So after that I changed my name officially to Loke Clogwearer, and I liked the clogwearer moniker so much I carried it over to other places such as this one, and my fictional company clogwearer enterprises.
current mood: awake
current music: Masterplan - Black In The Burn
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| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
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9:27 pm - Happy Happy Helloween
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Yeah, I know. I should have written this a couple of days ago to make the Helloween on Halloween connection that every single Helloween fan across the world makes every year. But you people know what moods are like, you can only write when it's happening for you.
So, I'm pretty sure last time I covered up to my rediscovery of metal. I had been struggling to remember what brought me back to it, and had been going to start with Sonata Arctica, but they came second. It was this filsharing thing that got me started. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it in my brain, but one day I did a search for Helloween music, as they'd been my favourite band in the early nineties. I suddenly found myself looking at a whole lot of stuff I'd never seen before. I hadn't realised the band had kept going so long, and even more surprised to find they were (are) due to release an album this year.
This is where I get to the part of the story I actually wanted to start with before I got completely carried away with myself. It was an accident that really got me back into metal. I saw the name Sonata Arctica in one of my Helloween search (they covered the song I Want Out) and the name really grabbed me. And that's it, a name. I looked up their site out of curiosity and found the video for Wolf and Raven, and it blew me away. I'd almost forgotten what it feels like when a song really gets your blood pumping. I don't listen to them as much as some other bands now, but I have to give them credit for getting my attention, and their stuff is pretty good. Well, it's outstanding. If I could play even half that well...
I used to listen to a lot of different types of metal, from...well, you know. I told you earlier. This year I started by trying to get a hold of as much Helloween as I could, and then one night at work I got bored and started looking up interviews on the net that the band have done. That opened a can of worms....
I started finding out about all these other bands that had been born out of ex-Helloween members. I had known about Gamma Ray, and that Michael Kiske had left the band after the Chameleon album (which is still a fucking brilliant album, there's no other way to say it. Metal fans don't like it because it's not a 'metal' album, but there is magic in that music) but then I discovered Masterplan, and Kiske's solo works...and then I started looking at the stuff Kiske had guested on...that's when I found out about Edguy and Avantasia.
I'm still probably listening to more Helloween than anything else, but this year has been an absolute metal-fest for me. I know also this is probably really boring for most of the people reading, but you know what? I don't really care. The people at livejournal have been kind enough to give me this space to abuse as I please, and I intend to do so. And so, without further ado, below is a list of bands I've been listeninng to this year and some of my favourite songs. I'll try to put them in order of preference, but it's tough because I'm not sure I know myself.
Helloween (still the greatest metal band in the world) - The Departed (Sun Is Going Down), Laudate Dominum (hilarious - a metal hymn in latin), If I Could Fly, Time, Nothing To Say, Mrs. God, Crazy Cat, When The Sinner, Perfect Gentleman, Where The Rain Grows, I can,
Edguy (these guys are brilliant - bigger choruses than Bon Jovi in '87) - Superheroes, The Spirit, Judas At The Opera, Mysteria, King Of Fools, Tears Of A Mandrake...and two songs that are too funny for words, Life and Times and La Marches Des Gendarmes.
Avantasia (Tobias Sammet's "side project" metal Opera). The whole two albums of this are fucking brilliant, to be honest. And I'm not a person who swears a lot (I may have mentioned this earlier), but I have to emphasise how good this is. But my favourites are the opener to part 1 and Reach Out For The Light, Serpents In Paradise, Glory Of Rome, Avantasia, The Seven Angels...so many. Just listen to it. It's a story, listen to the whole thing.
Masterplan (Uli Kusch and Roland Grapow ex-Helloween) - Back For My Life, Enlighten Me, Soulburn, Falling Sparrow, Black In The Burn
Sonata Arctica - Wolf And Raven, My Selene, Victoria's Secret
And a couple of old favourites I've been listening to again - Queensryche's Promised Land album is sublime - there is so much going on on this album, if you're not listening to it in stereo (preferably with headphones) you're not hearing the whole thing. And Dream Theater - more technical than any of the other bands, and their songs suffer a little as songs because of it, but they do some brilliant stuff. I still go back to 1994's Awake for my favourites - 6 O'Clock, Erotomania, The Silent Man, The Mirror, Lifting Shadows Of f A Dream, Space Dye Vest - I could just about include the whole album.
There's more, I'll edit them in later when I'm home (at work at the moement). And I've just discovered a cool Melbourne band called Enter Twilight. I'm still listening to their debut album at the moment, I'll let you know what it's like when I know it better, but first impressions are good.
More soon when I think of it.
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| Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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6:18 pm
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So I was supposed to finish off a story. Now is probably as good a time as any. I'm not really in a writing mood, but I'm not very happy and I have nothing better to do. Well, that's not true. I have my whole life to reorganise, but I'm putting that off for as long as I can, because I'm not good at just grabbing hold of life and giving it a shake. I suspect things would have been much different if I were. Actually, you know what? I don't really feel like doing this. Some other time.
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| Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
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11:10 pm - 2nd quarter blues
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I do write a lot of crap, don't I?
I squibbed a bit on 97-2005 last night, so I'm revisiting it just for my own peace of mind. It's not a new kind of torture, I promise. Well maybe it is, but the chances I'll still be writing here in a week are unknown at best. And there's always that little green 'back' button top left if you need it.
After Art of War (our industrial swapsies band) dissolved due to the drummer having a nervous breakdown and the rest of us being unable to find a suitable or competent replacement, I sort of drifted away from music a bit. It wasn't intentional, but I got my first opportunity to work in radio in 1998. But that's moving on a little too quickly. As I had said, the trance/techno thing. It began sort of on the end of the band dissolving. We'd always used keyboards for our stuff, and at one point we had a guy in who was much more into the techno scene than the metal/industrial scene. Some of that rubbed off a bit on Corin, and it reminded me of those times back in the early 90s...I still remember listening to Cosmic Baby and some of that early trance...the way the sound would just wash over you if you let it. It's one thing I'll give the dance scene credit for, they know how to manipulate sound. Of course there's as many doing it badly as there are crap garage bands and two-bit vocal duos. But some of it is magical. Anyway, Corin and I drifted apart for a few years. but when we reconnected we found ourselves in similar places...but that's later. In late 1997 I got my Playstation. Notable in the summer of 97/98 for two things. The first, Final Fantasy VII, cost me countless hours of sleep and almost cost me a girlfriend and a job. Great game though, well worth it. The second was Music, a music creation program for Playstation. I started writing music using that, and have been writing electronic music on and of ever since. So 97/98 were really electronic years for me. 1998 was the beginning of my foray into comedy radio. August 1998, I'm channel surfing in my car, late at night on my way home from somewhere. I still remember pulling into the East Doncaster McDonalds drive through and stumbling across Mark Mitchell as Con the Fruiterer doing "Bewdiful". I'm no fan of Con the Fruiterer, and I think Mark Mitchell has a lot to answer for. But I was curious to know what station would play it. So I kept listening, and that's how I discovered Laugh Radio, 24hr nonstop comedy on 89.9 fm. That was in April, and they were on air for four weeks. Then they were off and another station was on, it was a group of little community stations sharing a frequency. They announced at the end they would be back for six weeks in July and August, so I tuned in again then and I was hooked, I'd never laughed so much in my life. Everything from old British Monty Python stuff to Steven Wright, Rowan Atkinson, Billy Connolly. So one day I rang the station and told the guy who answered I was interested in coming down to see how the place worked, and did they need any volunteers to help out with photocopying or sorting records or anything. The guy turned out to be the manager of the station, and said they didn't really need people to do anything like that, but there was an on-air shift available if I was interested. So this is a Tuesday that I'm on the phone, and on the Saturday I'm on air. If that isn't the fastest transition into radio I don't know what is. On the Monday I don't even have any idea I'm interested in radio. On Tuesday, on a spur of the moment thing after I heard them give their phone number out I call, and Saturday...so for the next three years I almost lived comedy. I put my hand up to everything that needed doing that I could. I did five day weeks on-air and worked delivering pizzas at night, I worked selling advertising, distributing flyers, sourcing new material (and spending all my spare cash on comedy cds), writing playlists for the station, training new announcers, helping get t-shirts printed. I did so much there that when the station started making money, I started getting paid more than I was making at the pizza joint, but only for six week periods two or three times a year, so I couldn't live off it.
So I didn't listen to a lot of music between 1998 and 2000, when the station folded. I spent all my time between broadcasts listening to new comedy, trying to get stuff we could play, editing material so it could be used on air. That's the problem with comedians, they swear. But I was determined to get as much new stuff as I could, because the only other person bringing material in was the guy running the station, and he had a tendency towards older British stuff - Kenneth Williams, Steptoe and Son, Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore sort of stuff. Which is good, but old, and British. And I wanted kids to listen too, so I wanted Seinfeld and Billy Connolly, and Bill Hicks and Adam Sandler. Do you know how hard it is to edit a Bill Hicks piece to go to air at a reasonable time? With just a minidisc player to edit with? I still remember the minidisc number for almost every artist we had...Weird Al Yankovic disc G, Dave Allen Disc 40, Bill Hicks disc 74 and 76, The Comedy Company disc 6...I could do it forever, 1 was Roy Rene, 2 was John Clarke...I wrote clocks for that station by hand, more often than not racing against time to get the next hour faxed to the station so the announcers would know what to play. I actually worked at some stages during broadcasts, every hour I was awake. I would wake up, make coffee and start the clocks for wherever I was up to, have a shower and go in to do a midday shift, come back home in the afternoon to work on more clocks - I was writing an hour every twenty minutes on average, matching British against Australian against American, sketch against stand up against song, old against new, male against female, trying to get it all to balance. But I was writing 16-18 hours a day, every day. That's 6 hours writing, plus a two to four hour shift on air, plus a night job delivering pizzas 5 hours a night.
The music I did listen to during that period (when it wasn't comedy) was mostly trance and radio stuff, and some folk/pop stuff, My Friend The Chocolate Cake, The Cure. A lot of Beautiful South during this time, that's when I really started to get into them properly. I lost Jacinta properly through the latter part of 1999, which probably had an influence. She's in Germany somewhere now I think, or somewhere else, I don't really know. But up until the end of 2000 it was mostly comedy.
Late 2000 I started going out with Ellen. We went clubbing a few times, and then we went and saw Paul Oakenfold at Docklands. Docklands was THE perfect place for a rave. Two giant sheds for music and dancing, and a huge open space between with food stalls, clothing and jewellery stands, portaloos, a ferris wheel and dodgem cars and a half pipe with skate guys doing demos. It was awesome. We went to Oakenfold and Welcome 2001 and 2002 before they closed it down. I loved that place. We were always smashed when we were there, but it was a great crowd and we had a lot of fun. Oakenfold was awesome, he had Chicane supporting and they brought a live show, so it wasn't decks and lights, it was guitars and keyboards and live vocals. The whole thing was awesome, and we danced forever that night.
Although we listened to a lot of that stuff early on, it wasn't the only part of our early musical experience. We went up the coast listening to a lot of rock with some pop, metal and dance thrown in. And I guess variations on that mix have been the story up till about six months ago. I've always had my favourites, but we've had everything from Guns n Roses to Metallica to Kylie Minogue...oh, I need to mention that too...In early 2002 I was unemployed and, having not finished any of the three courses I started, without qualifications. So I applied to be a mobile DJ. Turns out the guy running the company was a childhood friend of my cousin Mark, but I'm pretty sure I would have landed the job anyway. They hired ten of us out of I think sixteen so it wasn't all that exclusive. So for six months in 2002 I was a chart junkie. Mobile DJing was everything from 18ths and 21sts to 40ths to engagements and weddings. I did all of those, and a couple of others, a Christmas in July over 35s night that was a complete disaster, from early on when I just couldn't please them with the music to the amp shitting itself halfway through to my girlfriend getting completely blind and forgetting she'd promised to meet me after I finished so I waited an hour outside the pub before driving home and waiting for her to get home three hours later. And a couple of sports club functions. A lot of it was fun, but a lot of it was stress, especially when people didn't provide any sort of music guide. We had a list for people to check to indicate their preferences, but often you'd be walking in blind, not knowing what to expect. So I learned to be versatile, and I now own stuff like Kylie, Pink, Madonna, DJ Otzi and stuff I'd never normally own...Scooter, Jimmy Barnes. All sorts of stuff. A lot of eighties compilation cds.
So earlier on this year I was listening to a lot of Beautiful South again. Mum brought me back Gaze from England and I found Golddiggas, Headnodders and Pholk Songs by accident...and I also found the Munch DVD with all their videos, which got me going again. But then something changed. I'm still not sure exactly how it started, but it was something to do with those filesharing programs. I don't use them now, but I tried a couple out for a short time, until I realised how frustrating they are. And I like packaging. I can't remember...no, wait. I do remember. I was looking for Helloween stuff. That's just skewed my whole perspective a little. I'll have to readjust. Anyway, I'm not going to tell that story in this post. By stopping here I get to turn a one episode story into a three episode story, which is a little more epic than a two-parter. Epic rubbish, but that's another issue. Hope the world is well for all of you, my imaginary friends. More soon.
current mood:  tired
current music: Mrs God
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12:08 am - We Bring You Fantasy
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I'm at work, and I'm bored...
Actually, that's unfair. I do enjoy my job. At least more so than any other job I've had. But I haven't really been interested in it lately, for obvious reasons. So I'm going to give this place an absolute pounding for a bit. I'm not going to finish my story from last night yet, I'll probably do that tonight. Before I go on, I'd like to say that I don't usually swear an enormous amount, and less so in print. Having said that...
AVAN-FUCKEN-TASIA.
This is magic. One story, 2 CDs, a cast of extraordinary musical talent...monks, magic...and a dwarf. Well, Kai Hansen pretending to be a dwarf. With Michi as Lugaid, Kai as the Dwarf and Markus playing bass, it was almost like the old Helloween I loved so much. But better...so much more. My only complaint is that I don't think there's video footage of it. I know these words fall mostly upon uninterested ears (or eyes...and they don't fall at all, they just sit there...I suppose if you start at the bottom and scroll up really quickly you might be able to recreate the falling illusion...)
I know not many of you will actually care enough to find this music and listen to it, and that's your right, to listen to whatever you want to listen to. Doesn't stop me talking about it though...
I don't think I've been this excited about music since I thought we were going to be rich after we recorded our demo back in 1995. Which brings me to...I've learned something about myself recently. I've spent too much of my life compromising my own interests and likes for other people. From parents to friends to girlfriends. No more. I might expand on that some other time, here it stands simply as explanation why I went ten years without getting as excited by music as I should have. It really is everything. I think if I had to choose between food and music, I might be in trouble.
Seriously, if you have even a tiny bit of rock in your soul, or if you loved Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar, try to find some time for Avantasia. It will describe itself much better than I ever could. It has pomp and majesty, soaring guitars, huge choruses, stunning vocal performances...and it rocks. It's way too good to be as unknown as it is. It's a sharkshit powered skyrocket.
current mood:  enthralled
current music: Glory Of Rome
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| Monday, October 24th, 2005
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8:52 pm - Peter Pan Syndrome
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Okay. The last entry I made while I was at work, and it was necessarily shorter than I had anticipated. But that's okay, it gave me chance to yell "Edguy" at everybody, and they deserve it. But it got me thinking while I was driving home, and although I love this music, and have shared some of it and talked about some of it with a couple of people, it's almost like a dirty secret. Let me explain.
I'm 32. I first started listening to metal when I was about 14. Prior to that, it had been mostly the music my parents liked and the stuff I heard on the radio. I remember always loving music. Even the stuff my mum and dad played to me when I was a toddler...Okay, this is starting to look a bit life-storyish, so I better get it organised. If you think you'll be bored, skip to the final couple of paragraphs, where I anticipate I'll be speaking about the things I originally intended to when I started this.
Superbird, Sweet Sixteen, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do by Neil Sedaka. Look Out For My Love and Jolene by Linda Ronstadt. I'm a Tiger by Lulu. Moonlighting by Leo Sayer. The list goes on, but those are just the ones that spring immediately to mind. Some Chicago, some Beatles (my mum's influence), James Taylor (Sweet Baby James - what a song. I'm going to put it on now). It's all still there, some thirty years later. And then the stuff from the radio through the early eighties. Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, whatever was playing. Mum and Dad stopped actively buying and listening to music sometime when I was about 7 or 8 I guess, maybe a little later or earlier, I'm not sure. Dad would still have the radio on whenever we went in the car, but the talk stations started creeping in as well, and I didn't like that, except when the footy or the cricket was on of course. I remember sitting in the car listening to Allan Border and Jeff Thompson try to get us over the line against the Poms all those years ago. Those were better times. But I'm getting even further away from where I want to end up...
I remember when I really became musically independent. It was the day of my twelfth birthday. 12 August 1985. That was the year I got my first stereo. Before that, it had been either the music my parents owned or what I heard on the radio in the car, pretty much. It's funny, I don't remember a lot of what I did at my grandparents' house the weekends we used to visit them, but I do remember listening to the radio in the car on those long crosstown drives. Huey Lewis and The News, the Eurythmics, Dire Straits, I tend to remember the upbeat stuff more than the ballads, or maybe that was just the stations we used to listen to. I remember Eon FM, and Fox, and 3KZ or 3XY, or maybe both it's a bit hazy.I think 3XY went FM and became Eon. And for anyone who's interested, somewhere along the track in the late eighties Eon slid up the dial from 92.3 to 105.1 and became MMM.
Anyway, that's just self-indulgent rubbish. I should be better than that, but I'm not. Actually, the whole thing is self-indulgent rubbish, now that I come to think of it. To expect people I know only through an internet connection, and perhaps total strangers to actually read through this crap and care about my musical journey is complete self-indulgence and I should probably be apologising for wasting bandwidth...or something. By the way, if there are any total strangers reading and you've managed to get this far through, leave me a message, even if it's just to say "Hi, I read your message." If english is your first language, try to use it well if you can. I'll probably correct you if you don't. I can't help it, my mum was an english teacher...
Hands up who thinks we're going to get to the end of this story?
So, 12 years old and with my own stereo. And the song that immediately comes to mind? Your Wildest Dreams, by The Moody Blues. I love that song. Once upon a time, in your wildest dreams. Takes me back, just thinking about it. If I Was, by Midge Ure, A Good Heart and You Little Thief by Feargal Sharkey, Nik Kershaw, Paul Young...and for some reason that song "The Way It Is" by Bruce Hornsby and The Range. I always hated it, until I heard it again years later and realised it's actually a pretty cool song. Great piano. I remember the "Top 8 at 8" on Eon, with Jon Peters. Some of my favourite songs of all time were playing on that show in the first year or two I got my stereo. Take On Me by A-Ha, Close To Me by The Cure, Election Day by Arcadia, Oh L'amour by Erasure might have even got a run....
Actually, I tell a lie. I had a couple of glimpses of musical independence earlier than at 12. Wow, the things you dredge up when your mind starts working. Prep/Grade One (I was prep, it was a composite year), Saint Timothy's Primary School in Vermont, Melbourne. 1979. KISS were huge, and for some reason or other, some kids were doing a mime and dance around routine to a KISS song, and I heard the song and I just knew I had to be in on it. I ended up with a tambourine on the side, because there were already four other kids being the actual guys from KISS, but I didn't care if it meant I could be involved. I just remember it involved a lot of running around and climbing up on tables to jump off. I'm surprised we were allowed to do it, now that I think about it. And not long after that, my uncle playing me his KISS records at a family function, when everyone else was mingling and we sat in his bedroom listening to KISS. So I was a fan of them early on. The other was my friend Nigel. We were friends from...I don't remember when, sometime before Primary School I think, or not long after I started. I think he's a year older than me, but we lived reasonably close and we got along well. And his older sisters had got into Devo. So we listened to a lot of Devo, because he liked it as well. I don't remember a lot of it, but a few things stuck. Whip it of course, which everyone knows, Girl You Want, Working in a Coal Mine, Mongoloid. There was some cool stuff. I must have been only seven or eight when we started listening to that stuff. I guess it was good to get that alternative balance to what was essentially mainstream influence coming from my parents.
I got tapes of some stuff too, after I got the stereo. Dire Straits, John Farnham, Crowded House, Midnight Oil. And a tape of Australian Hits, including Jacko's I'm An Individual, which if you haven't heard...you're luckier than I. Mostly mainstream stuff. And then when I was thirteen a friend of mine lent me a tape with AC/DC on one side and Motley Crue on the other side. About three weeks later I discovered the heavy metal radio shows on RRR and PBS, and I devoured everything I could find. I stuck with the Crue because I'd liked the stuff I'd had on cassette, which was Girls, Girls, Girls. I listened to W.A.S.P. and Iron Maiden, Ratt, L.A. Guns, Guns n Roses, Saxon and Marillion...and then one night I turned on the radio, actually at the house of Craig, the same friend who had lent me the Motley Crue and AC/DC tape...and heard the most amazing guitar solo I had ever heard in my life. I listened through the whole thing, not knowing who it was, and was stunned. I'd not heard anyone playing guitar like that. That was the night I first wanted to learn to play guitar - well, I'd had lessons in grade three because mum thought it would be a good idea (my uncle owned a music shop and we got a guitar for christmas one year, something someone brought in to be repaired and never collected), but I'd got bored strumming one chord endlessly, waiting for the occasional chance to try Tom Dooley or Row Row Row Your Boat just for a chord change, and apparently I told the teacher so, which I don't quite remember, but I do remember being made to apologise, and that was the end of guitar lessons. But anyway...
I found out, after the song ended, it was Randy Rhoads, guitar player for Ozzy Osbourne. I tracked down a second-hand copy of Tribute, the live album, and listened to that solo over and over again. And then Ozzy was my new favourite thing. And from Ozzy I moved on to the heavier stuff, Metallica and Megadeth mostly, Anthrax, Accept a little, Metal Church. A little of bands like Kreator and Sodom, but I never really got into the growly stuff, if you know what I mean. And that was my teenage years. I was a bit more experimental than some of my metalhead friends, and ended up listening to some other stuff as well, a bit of zeppelin, which still had cred, some Cheap Trick, April Wine, the lighter end of the rock spectrum, and even secretly still listened to a bit of pop - that hankering for a catchy chorus still gets to me to this day. And then there was Helloween. Even then, they were special to me. I remember getting a tape of Keeper Of The Seven Keys part 1, and it just blew me away. It wasn't the fastest thing I'd heard, or the heaviest, but there were melodies heading everywhere, variations both between and within songs, and those twin guitars. I know Maiden had a twin guitar attack for years beforehand, but I never heard them use it quite like this. It was pure gold to my ears...not literally, that'd knock a guy out, but...
So I obsessed over Helloween for a while, and got into some Queensryche, and I think at the same time I started listening to some radio again, and started listening to a lot of 60s pop. This coincided with the time I started seeing Jacinta, my first serious girlfriend, who was at the time a fan of 60s pop, Paul Simon in particular. I owe my love for his work to her. I also owe my absolute adoration of The Beautiful South to her older sister Raph, who had a tape of their first album. They are my favourite band ever, and if you ever get a chance to listen, please take it, for my sake. Not enough people outside Britain know about this band. And slowly, I stopped listening to so much metal, and listened to a mix of older stuff, a bit of reggae, a little of the newer more alternative stuff, Violent Femmes and the Lemonheads and things like that. Nirvana, of course.
Then I started getting into bands like The Smiths, rediscovering The Cure and Depeche Mode, Blur. I still remember Oasis coming along with...now I can't think of the name of it...give me a sec...must have been Live Forever, I guess. Whatever the first single from Definitely Maybe was. I liked Supersonic better, in fact I like it better than all their other songs, but it never got a lot of publicity I don't think. Anyway, that's too much effort for a band I only kind of like. A lot of Britpop sort of stuff, The Stone Roses, The Charlatans. And REM, Kristin Hersh. I saw her at the Palais Theatre in Melbourne and she was awesome. I saw her again at the Central Club with Throwing Muses, and they were good but the crowd sucked and it just wasn't the same as watching her with a stool, a guitar, a small table and a beer, telling stories with songs between. That was magical. And I started to get into a bit of the harder edged stuff because my younger brother was, and he encouraged me to join their band. So I got into some NOFX and Bad Religion, Down By Law, The Descendents and moved away from the radio stuff again. I also started seeing a girl who was really into techno, and realised that there was a place for the stuff...when you were off your face. The thing with Jacinta was great for a few years, and then became an on and off thing. It's a long story for another time, but in short here, I worked my butt off to get her, and we had some good years together afterwards, but I made the mistake of thinking we needed to broaden our horizons. I don't know what I was really thinking, maybe I was worried it was getting a bit intense. I was stupid. We were on again off again over about eight years in total. It didn't really end well either, and I regret that. But another day...
So after I'd done that for a bit, the band kind of dissolved and me and my brother went a different way. He was listening to a lot of Cure and REM and that kind of alterna-rock/pop thing, and I was listening to Matthew Sweet and Bob Dylan and we kind of had this pop/stoner rock thing going for a bit, but it didn't last. And then, when I got into teaching at uni I stopped playing for a bit, until I started hanging out with Corin and Mick. Corin was a guitarist/singer and Mick was a bass player/singer, and I was a guitarist who learned to play some bass and sing a bit. We started a band where we moved around on the instruments a bit, so everyone was encouraged to do a bit of everything. Oh, and we were playing sort of industrial metal, kind of like Faith No More mixed with Ministry. Corin got me really into Nine Inch Nails, Faith no More and Ministry, and Pop Will Eat Itself, and White Zombie. I got him into Machines Of Loving Grace, and I'm not sure what else. Along the way we listened to liberal doses of Beastie Boys courtesy of Mick, and a bit of other Public Enemy/NWA type stuff, along with Black Grape, Reverend Horton Heat and some other leftfield stuff. So it was a weird mix, and we had some really good stuff. Well, we thought. We worked hard, and actually got to "tour" (we went to Warrnambool to play) and play some cool places like the Central Club and The Punter's Club, and the Nicholson, which wasn't a well known pub but had one of the best stages I played on.
After that, I got into the trance thing a bit more seriously. A lot of the elements I'd like about the industrial thing were similar in the trance world, experimenting with sound, but where the industrial had been harsh, some of the trance was sweeter than sweet, even without drugs. Halcyon and On and On by Orbital, or Little FluffY Clouds by The Orb, and then there was some of the darker stuff...Rotorblade, among others, by Juno Reactor, greatest trance act going around. And from there, a sort of mishmash of all sorts of different stuff, revisiting things I had left behind, finding new things I liked, keeping up with what's on the radio. I'm cheating because this post is going forever and even I'm sick of it by now...
Until this year, which I am going to save for tomorrow, because there's no way I have the energy to do it justice now. Who would have thought? It started out as a thing about how much I'm loving rediscovering metal again, and that's just about the only thing I haven't talked about. If you're still with me, commiserations. I can only think you've lost your mind or someone has discovered this as a means of cruel and unusual torture. If that's the case I'll try to leave you with a smile. This one's a little difficult to do properly in print, but I'll give it a shot.
You know what can really ruin a good joke?thetiming.
And Fly, just for you, I'd like to let the world know I've been listening to Willie Nelson. I got a CD called Under The Influence - Paul Heaton. Paul Heaton is one of the vocalists from The Beautiful South, and this is a CD of some of his favourite songs. Willie Nelson's "Valentine" is on there, and it's gorgeous.
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6:08 pm - We never cry for love...
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I know I'm in the middle of being heartbroken and downtrodden at the moment, and that'll undoubtedly raise its head again when I have too much thinking time. But I have to talk about something I've got excited about recently. For anyone who doesn't know (which is most of the world), my music tastes have few boundaries, but had been dominated in recent years by a lot of pop, folk, dance and trance. This year I've rediscovered metal after about ten years absence from it, and the timing couldn't be better. I have good reasons to listen to loud, angry music at the moment. At some point I'm going to shout Helloween from the rooftops, but that's not what's got me excited right at the moment.
Tobias Sammet is a fucken genius. I just bought the DVD version of Edguy's new single Superheroes. I've had the song for a couple of weeks now, but the filmclip and DVD material is absolutely hilarious. If you can tolerate anything Bon Jovi or heavier, I can't recommend this highly enough. I had never heard of Edguy before this year, which kills me because I found out they came to Australia last year. I heard a few things and didn't mind the stuff, but wasn't hooked. I had to get the Superheroes ep because Michael Kiske (formerly singer for Helloween) does guest vocals on one of the songs. This ep is brilliant, there's not a bad song on it. Later tonight or tomorrow I'm going to talk about Avantasia, the Metal Opera. If I'm not looking for a band to join instead. It gets my blood going.
...we're Superheroes.
current mood:  rejuvenated
current music: Superheroes
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| Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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11:38 am - into the great unknown
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It's been a long time since I've written anything here. I had been trying to moderate my time online for the sake of my relationship. Turns out it doesn't matter anymore. I know broken heart stories are a dime a dozen (or cheaper), and everyone has one. I try to steer clear of them, but every now and then you get caught unawares.
So five years I've been going out with this girl, living together for four. Things weren't great, we were struggling a bit, but I had always loved her, and been in love with her. She was spending some time in Sydney, to help her grandmother and to get some work experience in a vet clinic up there. I wasn't totally happy about her being away, and particularly after I learned about this Canadian guy she had met up there, but she assured me everything was okay, and that I was worrying about nothing. Now I have nothing to worry about. She spent five days in Sydney having sex with her new Canadian friend, and didn't even have the decency to tell me.
I found out when I saw one of her emails (long story), and then she couldn't even tell me the truth properly. So now I'm single, and scared. See, last time I was single I was in my twenties. Now I'm in my thirties and this is new territory for me. And I suck at talking to women. I'm not an overly social person and I don't actually have any friends of my own, at least in the real world. I have some good friends in the internet, but that's not the same thing. And yes, I say "in the internet" because I like to think of it as a place. Somewhere I can go. I know it's not true, but I think I have my brain at least partly fooled. Anyway, back to the story...
Actually, that's pretty much it. Five years, finished in five days. Something poetic about that, I guess. A day for each year for her to forget me. Well, that might be a bit harsh, she hasn't forgotten me, but she did for that time. And I hate being lied to. The infidelity is bad enough, but the deceit means there's no chance for us to continue, even though she cried and told me she loved me and was sorry and all that stuff. It's easy enough to say after the fact, but it doesn't change the past.
Speaking of the future...bloody hell, what do I do now? I have to learn to talk to people all over again, and to be sociable. I have this thing where I tend to adopt the friends of the person I'm with...which is great when I'm in a relationship, but I lose all the friends when we break up. And then I have nobody to drink with and console me, or to encourage me to get out and do new things. To go places, meet people. I have to learn all that on my own now. It's a scary thought.
Anyway, there'll probably be more of these soon enough, as I make my way through this self-discovery period (self-discovery sounds better than just saying "I'm alone"), where I'll try to convince myself I'm spending time on my own to find out what I really want, rather than just admitting the truth, which is that I'm too shy to get out there and actually make new friends. So that's something I have to work on. I'm wondering whether it might help me just to admit from the start in any conversation I have..."Hi, I suck at talking to new people and making new friends, but if you can forgive me that, I'll be interesting and funny later on."
Anyway, you people don't need me to go on and on about how my life sucks at the moment, but it makes me feel a bit better to bash at the keys in the order I have. Hope anyone who sees this is doing okay, or better than me at least, because this really blows. Seeya.
current mood:  crushed
current music: Helloween - The Departed (Sun Is Going Down)
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| Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
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4:14 am - Make me a panel of your cheese
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| Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
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12:49 am - It's always morning...again
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I should clarify. Though I dislike winter, it is a more inspiring season for me than summer. I think it has something to do with the thing about people liking sad stories more than happy ones. Or something like that. Music comes more easily in winter, as do words. But winter also tends to be that time when I wonder if I got someone else's life and they got mine. By that I don't mean that I dislike my life, I've been very fortunate to get the chances I've had, I enjoy my job and I love my girlfriend. But at times, and more frequently in winter, I feel disconnected from it, as though it's not really mine. Maybe I didn't take some of the chances I had seriously enough, or maybe I just made some wrong choices somewhere, but I can't help feeling that there's another life for me somewhere that I really belong in. Maybe in an alternate universe somewhere, if you believe that sort of thing. I'm not sure I do, although it throws up some interesting possibilities.
Some days I think I should be on a stage playing music. Other days I think I should be in a shack somewhere writing the book that threatens to burst out of my head any moment. Maybe I'm just not sure what I should be doing. I'm getting to old to play professional sport, so while that might be a regret, at least it's one eliminated option.
And then there are the days when I think of the things I've been lucky enough to experience. I've fallen in love several times, and been loved in return (so I'm told...lol). I've been poor but never homeless. I've had a lot of really good times, and despite my complaints about the cold, I love the city I live in, I always have. I have music, and I have literature. I have a job I quite like, for a change. And on those days I think "Why am I ever unsatisfied?"
Maybe I know the answer. Well, apart from the bit of my brain that just thinks it's human nature to be dissatisfied and want more than we have. But more specifically, I think it's because I know that one day I'll die, and I'm never sure how I should best spend the time I have. Probably not the way I currently do, but that's a whole other issue...
Or maybe it's just that age (I'm 30) where you start to wonder whether you've made the right choices, and whether the time for play is growing short (I hope not, I'll die if I ever have to be grownup all the time). Maybe things would have turned out awful if I'd chosen differently. But I can't help wondering some days...
current mood: reflective
current music: The Cure
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| Friday, July 2nd, 2004
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5:57 pm - It's always morning
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I hate winter. I always thought I was being whingy complaining about Melbourne winter. I'd read stories of people freezing to death in some of the northern countries and feel chastened, even guilty about hating Melbourne winter. I read an article on the weekend about a Russian diver who has moved to Melbourne. She said that Melbourne winters are worse than Russian ones, because while they get very cold up there, they lack the miserable element that comes from the wet and the wind. That made me feel a bit better. I still want to move to Queensland, but that will be at least a couple of years away.
Anyway, I'm removing myself from other things I should be doing to write this. I might come back and write more later, but I can't guarantee it. I guess we'll find that out as time goes by...
current mood:  apathetic
current music: The Beautiful South
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clogwearer's journal